How and Why to Stop Accepting the Bare Minimum from People
A Guide to Setting Boundaries and Saying No
I know it’s so much easier said than done, but it really is the greatest lesson I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. When you clear out relationships and friendships that no longer serve you, you’re making way for better people.
Trust your gut. - if you recognize that someone is consistently making you feel stressed or down either when you spend time with them or after, it’s probably time to reevaluate whether they should be in your life. Your instinct is there for a reason- listen to it and respect it.
Set boundaries- some friendships or relationships trail off slowly, and that’s perfectly ok, but with others you need to actively protect your space and draw a line in the sand. That might not necessarily mean that you need to completely cut yourself off from that person- it might just mean that they’ll be in your life in a different capacity.
Hold others accountable - but also hold yourself accountable. So often we talk about holding others accountable, but we also need to do the same for ourselves. If you’ve already made the decision to cut someone out of your life, or change the way they’re in your life, then it’s probably best not to violate the boundaries you yourself set. It’s unfair to you, and it’s unfair to the other person- no one wants mixed signals.
Why you need to do it
Mental health- you HAVE to value your mental health about ALL ELSE. I cannot stress this enough. If someone is negatively impacting your mental health (or your physical health for that matter) you don’t need them in your life. You should never be with anyone who makes you question your sanity or your character as a person.
Growth- you will literally never grow if you surround yourself with people who are dragging you down, just like cutting off your split ends will actually cause your hair to grow more, so will cutting out toxic people
Acceptance - Accept that there are people who come into your life for a season. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever and that’s ok. History doesn’t always equate to a healthy relationship.
Grief- Accept that it’s ok to still feel a sense of grief and loss afterwards. Sometimes we feel a sense of relief right away, but especially if the person was close to you, we can also still feel sadness, and that’s ok, it’s a normal part of the process.
Boundaries are easier to talk about than to enforce, but we should only be making people a priority that do the same for us. Pay attention to your instincts and pay attention to those who repeatedly disrespect you.
People only treat us how we allow, so it’s up to us to choose our own boundaries and to decide what we’d like our future to look like. Having people in your life who encourage and support you will propel you further and contribute to your happiness and well-being.
Alexandria Richey is the founder of Dáma Detroit and the host of the Women We Love Wednesday Podcast. She loves eating good food, reading and dreams of one day owning a pug.
Check out Alexandria on her personal page @straightupsasha , keep up on podcast news @womenwelovewednesday & follow @damadetroit for updates.
